Thursday, October 25, 2007

It has been awhile since my last post, and a lot has been going on. Christi and I just got back from Cancun, Mexico and we had a pretty good time. I got a little sick at the end of the trip, and in fact am still sick today. I am not sure if the two were related since there were different symptoms, but never the less, sick is sick. In Cancun, Christi and I relaxed some and we even swan with the dolphins. We stayed at a place called Le Blanc which was nice. Caroline and Mike, Justin and Rachel, Wade and Kenda, and Hamilton were also there from FIG. It was a reward trip for Annexus. I think everyone had a good time.

I also have been doing acupuncture for a little while. It has been interesting to be sure. It does not hurt, and they do not put the needles on fire.... Rumors. I will let you know how it is going.

Update on me - like I said, I am sick today. I have a cold. It seems that any time I travel I get something, a direct effect from chemo and my immune system being down. I do believe that my cancer is getting worse, and I think they will confirm this on the 30th. I am having more and more trouble breathing with any more than normal excursion. I am also going to for sure ask them to put me on the lung implant list. I feel like this is something I have to do. I do think the medical community is doing a lot now for detecting cancer early and better, but it seems to me that the things they are doing are all for stage 1 or stage 2 people. Also, for every death of breast cancer, they are spending $13 for research, for lung cancer, they are spending $1. This is pretty telling to me. The more "sexy" cancers are getting the dollars, while people have a stigma about lung cancer. I hope Duke says ok for the transplant.....

Christi has been really worried about me and my attitude towards this situation. I do not think I have changed at all, just think I am not going to live in a dream world either. I am worried there has been a change, and it does bother me. I am still eating great, doing all of the alternative things I can do, and praying every night. It is hard to get up every day and face the facts. I think every understands life and death, but most people do not face it daily. I am not going to just die one day suddenly, it would be a process. I wonder if that is better or worse?

12 comments:

Tracy Roer said...

Bo,

Just reading your post today is such a reminder for all of us what you have to deal with on a day to day basis that we sometimes forget. You are such an amazing inspiration to me and I have to say I agree 100% that you should get on the Lung Transplant list. I read the Blog that one of your readers mentioned about her friend Kyle. It left me speechless and I couldn't stop reading it. Today, with new lungs he is healthier then ever. I have never left a comment before, but read your blog weekly. As I wrote in my letter to you a while ago, keep fighting. You are already a survivor! I will continue to keep you, Christi and Addi in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Bo,
I am sorry to hear that you are not feeling well but I want you to know that there are a ton of people out here that are praying for you. It also sounds like you are a bit down and that is understandable with what you are facing. I am sure it is hard to stay positive and focused on the fight but you are a great inspiration to all of us that know and care about you. I beleive that God has a great plan for you and that you will be with us for a long time to come. I also agree that you should get on the transplant list. I think that may be a positive step for you. Stay strong and know that we are all still praying for you and wishing you well!!

Anonymous said...

Bo,
since I don't get to see you much...almost becoming ritual I check the blog. Keep your chin up dude. We Robinson's have a saying, "illegitumus non carbarundum" ...loosely translated means DON'T LET THE BASTARDs KEEP YOU DOWN! I'm no saint, not a poster child for religion by any means, but I firmly believe that the the card you need is in the deck, you just have not pulled it yet... but it's coming. I am glad you are putting yourself on the list. You are the Evander Holyfield of patients; you don't know when to quit. Keep up the fight, keep the faith.
J

Anonymous said...

Bo,
I understand that you are going through alot right now. But you were the one that told everyone not to worry that you were going to fight this. And I know that you are going to have bad days and good days. But after reading this posting. I feel like you are depressed and not going to fight. Maybe that is not how you meant it. Even though you say that you are. I have know you for a while and I have never seen this side of you.. Please tell me what I can do to help. I know that you are a fighter. Look you got Christi to say yes to the first date. Big sis-in-law

Anonymous said...

Bo,
You HAVE to keep fighting!! I know that none of us know what you are feeling right now and we could never understand what you and Christi are going through, but you can't give up now! When the going gets tough, you have to get tougher! Fight through it! It will get better! Put your name on the transplant list, but don't give up on healing yourself yet! You have to believe!!!!!!!
I love you,
Rachel

Anonymous said...

Hey Christi here. Please everyone know that Addi and I are good and we would love for everyone to direct all their concern to Bo. When you get the courage and motivation, please either email, post or call Bo with you concerns of ideas of how to motivate oneself to keep fighting. You all know I cannot handle losing him. Maybe someone can say something to help him out.
Love to all
Christi and Addi

Anonymous said...

Bo,
We are all here for you, whether near or far, and you know that. I know how hard it is for you to try to stay positive and upbeat, if not for yourself then for everyone else. No one but a fellow cancer patient can ever understand the fear and frustration that you go through, but as a person who lost her father to lung cancer, I believe I can really imagine the emotions. My dad was like you, determined to beat the bastard, upbeat and cheerful, energetic, athletic, and never complained. I watched how much strength it took him to face each day and each and every one of us with sustained determination and positivity. And he didn't have the option of a transplant.

It's scary when you are facing a scan and you have a bad feeling about it. No one wants to burden you with pleas for courage and positive attitude. You know what an important role they play and you work darn hard at maintaining that.

So, feel what you need to feel, process the fear and grief. Acknowledge the concerns you have about the upcoming scans and give yourself a moment to be what you are...a cancer patient, not superman.

Then, brace yourself on our prayers and positive energy, let US pull you up, and get ready for the next round! We're all in this fight with you and you're GOING TO WIN!! The miracle of a transplant is an amazing option and getting on the list is a big deal. You're going in the ring my friend, to battle the beast and we're all yelling and screaming behind you. You will need strength and stamina to deal with the transplant and we're all here to help you dig deep and find it. Keep your fists up!

All our love,
Larry and Tammy

Anonymous said...

I hate that you are feeling this way, but I am glad you are getting it out and letting everyone know how you are really feeling. You don't have to carry this all by yourself. We are all here for you to lean on and help in any way. You are going to have your good and bad days and that is okay! Just keep your chin up, keep praying, and don't stop fighting. Your gonna make it, no doubt in my mind!! Believe in that! We are all behind you! Lots of love and prayers!

Anonymous said...

Bo,
Sometimes fighting looks very different for different people. The fight sometimes has to change, but that is what a great fighter does~they change their game plan when they feel that they have exhausted other options.
We continue to pray that you make informed decisions that are the best option for you and are decisions that bring you peace of mind.
We are definitely continuing to pray for a great scan on the 30th~we are the eternal optimists in prayer!
Take care!
Randy, Catherine, and Piper Glidewell

Anonymous said...

Bo,
Keep fighting! Tighten those gloves up and fight, fight, fight! You are an inspiration to all of us and, as always, we will continue to pray for your strength.
Love, The Burk Family

Anonymous said...

"Lord, You told me when I decided to follow You, You would walk and talk with me all the way. But I'm aware that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I just don't understand why, when I need You most, You leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you, never, ever, during your trials and testings. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you."

Anonymous said...

Times are tough and this can't be easy for you. No one knows what you're feeling and only a good scan on Tuesday will make things easier. What's most important to remember right now is that you have a wonderful life that is blessed in many ways. Sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do is to give up control and turn things over to the Lord so that he can carry you through your trials. Reliance on Him is how we all make it through the valleys of life. Once we make it through those valleys, we must not forget Him once we have made it to the peak. Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds. You will make it through. Of this I have no doubt.