Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Hello to All - Well Addi and I made it through our first day "on our own". I put that in quotes because I know and she knows that we are well taken care of and looked after by everyone (in NC and far away) but with that being said, without family in the house and around. We are trying to find out "new normal". I wish I could say we did it gallantly, but to no avail. I think the weeks have caught up to us and tiredness did play a part, but there was a few tears, from both of us.
I think we both have a hard time accepting our new reality, but we know it our hearts Bo would want us to carry on. It is funny the things Addi says to me when she catches me in a sad moment (everything I say to her)
"Mommy I am still here."
"Mommy we are going to be alright."
"Mommy, Daddy is still in our hearts."
With that being said Addi did have the cutest (and heart wrenching) conversation after school on Monday, with herself and Daddy. She missed a birthday party on Saturday with the family in town, but Anna was sweet enough to give her a party favor, a small Christmas tree to decorate. Addi climbing into the car, this is our conversation
"Mommy, I can't wait to show Daddy how lucky I am."
I was thinking, oh no, again we are going to have to have the conversation that Daddy is in heaven. "Addi, how are you going to show Daddy your tree."
"Mommy, (with a little exasperation) Daddy is in my heart." Then she proceeded to lean the tree to her heart. "Daddy, Look how lucky I am."
Addi speaking for Bo, "Oh Sweetie, you are so lucky."
"Daddy, don't I have the best friends."
"Sweetie you are so special and I love you more than everyone, with Mommy."
I am trying not to let her see me cry, but I am just grateful this is how she remembers her Daddy talking to her and always calling her Sweetie.
Love to All
Christi and Addi
Praying for more rest and a day filled with love and happiness tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

Addi's strength and cleverness always seems to amaze me! I never had the pleasure of meeting her, but I've truly enjoyed reading all of your Addi'isms. What we can all learn from her!

I think I've cried several times today. First after seeing the video from Addi's babysitter (I was a big tear and snot factory!!), then from reading this post tonight. Still thinking of you guys constantly.
Ashley in KY

Anonymous said...


What a wonderful conversation Addi had with her Daddy. These conversations will allow her Daddy to live on, and remain close to her.

We hope that you will be able to get some rest, and know that from far and wide we all love you and Addi.

Anonymous said...

Still thinking and praying for you guys! Addi must be a wonderful little girl--thanks to her wonderful parents. -Kate

Anonymous said...

I shed a few tears when I read this! It is so cute!Even though we are in Ohio please let us know if there is anything we can do for you!You&Addi are always in my prayers.
-Kelsie Allen

Candace said...

What a special little girl. Thanks for sharing and she is lucky to have such a great mom. We love you both!

Unknown said...

Awwwww Addi is so sweet. I smile every time I think of her cute little laugh that she has.
Hugs to you! ET will be there is weekend to take you out. Tell him to stay at your place so that you're aren't alone.

--Carolyn T

Anonymous said...

Love the realness of your notes to us. There will be tears even when not tired. Tears are the love that seeps runs over and out when we lose someone. How sad it would be to not feel that love.

Anonymous said...

Christi, your Addi is truly a blessing! We all appreciate your willingness to share and all continue to pray for you and your family.
My Love,

Anonymous said...

I believe that children are more open to the energy around us and that she very well may have been actually having a conversation with her Daddy. Their innocense transcends the veil between heaven and earth. That's why there are so many more accounts of children seeing angels than adults.

What a blessing and a comfort that she knows Bo is with her and that she can talk to him anytime.

Anonymous said...

I'm just so glad that Anna's little tree could bring her so much happiness that she wanted to share it with Daddy in her heart. xo, Alexi & Anna

Anonymous said...

Christi, I love reading your blogs. Addi is so very special (you & everyone else alreadys know that lol)and the things she says just touches my heart. It's amazing how such a young girl can understand so much. As a mother, I know there is so much that I learn from my girls, if you really think about it, kids are the best teachers! I am so happy that she holds the memmories of her daddy in her thoughts and verbally. Thanks again for sharing, you are so wonderful to do so and I look forward to your stories!
Anita R.

KelseyMoore said...

What an amazing story (as I am crying at work!)
Seeing love through a child's eyes is such a gift & she is incredible.

Anonymous said...

She's a remarkable child. I hope we can all share that same simple perspective and know that Bo will always be our hearts.

Anonymous said...

Addi is a wonderful person already, she must get it from having wonderful people as parents.

Love, Jenn in CA

Anonymous said...

Tell Addi to keep talking and you do the same. HE hears you and I am sure that Bo does too.

Anonymous said...

Bo is missed by all, but none more than you. I copied him on an email on Friday and selfishly wish he was still here to have read it. Please let Mel and I know what we can do to help, you have an amazing little girl and I see more of Bo in her every time I see her (although she got your looks). We love you and are here if you need anything.

jay and mel

Catie Rubenstein said...

Oh, I loved this. I also loved (and was nearly destroyed by) the video Addi's babysitter made.
I'm glad you have so much love all around you, Christi.
You are certainly allowed to be tired. To be teary. To be whatever it is you feel or don't feel or can't feel or can't help but feel right now. Just be. You've more than earned it.

MT said...

Oh My goodness...what a tear jerker!! I love that kid! Christi you two are in my thoughts always! I was sad to be at Duke this week, but it was nice to see you "liked" my visit on facebook! :)
I love you both so much and can't wait to see you this weekend...i have a little surpirse to discuss with you!

Anonymous said...

Now Addi is your strength and your rock. :)

Anonymous said...

That is why everyone loves "Addi-cakes"! What a lucky mommy.