Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year
All our Love
Christi and Addi

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Good Evening - Addi and I are finally getting over our Christmas colds. Addi experienced her first sore throat and it was an experience for me. She refused to swallow and got herself so worked up that I had to call for back up from Grams. It is during these times when she hurts herself or doesn't feel well that she wants Bo the most. She always has and this has been a adjustment for her. We are working on it, just one day at a time. (Which is might say is a little ironic that she has always wanted Daddy, I like to think I am nurturing as well, kids...)
We are planning for a quiet New Years. Other than the first year Bo and I were dating, we have always kept them quiet. Not one for going out and partying it up, so we will keep it quiet. I have come to realize that I have a better time handling the big events it is the little moments that are harder. The times in the car when you have a moment to think, when I would call and chat with Bo, quiet moments of Addi watching TV, making dinner for 1 1/2 now... those moments. So when you see me driving down the road not quite looking like myself, just wave, I am okay, just having a moment.
If I don't get back on here, I hope you all have a wonderful, safe, happy and healthy New Years. It is with mixed emotions for tomorrow. I don't want to move on from 2009, but I sure don't want to stay here either. (Bo would never have wanted that) I guess there is one thing for certain, life will go on and time will keep moving forward. We will just try to grasp at those moments, make more memories and love one another.
Love to All
Christi and Addi
PS - Happy Birthday "Old Lady" Cyndi
PSS - One more Addi story, the other day we were listening to "O Come All Ye Faithful" and Addi says to me, "Mommy this is the song I think they sang to Daddy." Completely catching me off guard, but I hope she is right and when they called Bo home the angels sang him right to heaven...

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Just a quick note that is a little funny...Addi just had a epiphany.
"Mommy, I just thought of something...I am glad Daddy's in Heaven"
"Why is that Addi"
"Because when Daddy is in heaven, he can make my dreams come true." Arms thrown up into the air...I start to think I am so proud of her...then it comes
"Addi what do you wish for?" ....drum roll
"More Toys!"
And to think Christmas is here in 363 more days! At least she did mention something about giving her old toys away...
She does know her Daddy though and it will probably happen, somehow...
Love to All
Christi and Addi
PS - Happy Birthday Big Brother!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas to All - We are having a good Christmas. Toys R US threw up in our house, with Polly Pockets and My Little Pony....Why is there so many little pieces? We are most certainly missing Bo, but are happy we have each other, wonderful memories and "He is always in our heart." We carry so much love for Bo and talk about him often that it always makes the memories a little more real and close to our hearts.
Thank you to everyone that has been checking in on us and for all the great posts on Facebook. It makes it easier to carry on when you can feel the love from everyone. Addi did pick up a cold yesterday and was a little out of sorts last night. She slept forever this morning, so we are enjoying the day together in our pjs. (After Grams, Papa, Tracia and Mr. Bob came over to watch Addi open presents and give Me my present of helping me get everything out of its box. THANK YOU FOR THAT!)
I did save one present Bo had picked out from Disney and had shipped back. The Disney Princess Castle, she has declared it her favorite present. Probably because of the size of the castle, all the princesses that came with it and well it was from her Daddy. A sweet moment to cherish our time together from this year.
Bo would want everyone to enjoy the day, share many laughs and embellish as many stories as possible reliving the "Good 'ol Days".
Love to All
Christi and Addi
PS - Did I tell you about the time...just kidding

Friday, December 18, 2009

Well another week down. Addi and I have decided that we are going to stick around NC for the holidays and for a while afterwards. Addi has had such a crazy month and with the hype of Santa and Christmas, I think it is just best to get her stable here. I am unsure with some of her unrest and temperament if it is dealing with the loss of Bo, Christmas or her unstable past month, so here we are and here we stay. If you have plans we are here and we would love to see everyone, as much as possible.
Speaking of Addi, lately her big issue/question is that she knows her father so well. The question we deal with all the time is, "I know Daddy is asking God to let him come back to his daughter, because that would make her happy. And her Daddy would do anything to make her happy." (So Bo...) Tough one I I explain to her the God needed Daddy to be an angel with him to help make us and a lot of other people happy. We will always have Daddy with us in our hearts and our fun stories/memories.
Now switch to today. We received some of the prettiest snow today. Which is a little early for this year. Addi was so in love with it and everything about it. We decided that her Daddy would do anything to make her the happiest girl in the world, hence the wonderful snow. Her Daddy can't be with us physically, but he went to work in heaven and gave her one of the greatest days. I promise we will not always be so sentimental (sappy), but today we needed it. We then proceeded to have hot chocolate, her cup has hearts all over it, and she showed me where each of our hearts were on the cup. "All our hearts were connected."
We are excited for Christmas (I need to get moving with the final things to get done and start wrapping.) I am sure the holidays will get harder the closer we get, but right now we are focused on enjoying the day and knowing that Daddy loved us so much. Having a 4 year old makes you push though and carry on. Bo and I decided a long time ago that she deserved the best from both of us, unfortunately that was harder on Bo back in the day. But he always rose to the occasion. Now it is my time...our time.
Love to All
Christi and Addi

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Hello to All - Well Addi and I made it through our first day "on our own". I put that in quotes because I know and she knows that we are well taken care of and looked after by everyone (in NC and far away) but with that being said, without family in the house and around. We are trying to find out "new normal". I wish I could say we did it gallantly, but to no avail. I think the weeks have caught up to us and tiredness did play a part, but there was a few tears, from both of us.
I think we both have a hard time accepting our new reality, but we know it our hearts Bo would want us to carry on. It is funny the things Addi says to me when she catches me in a sad moment (everything I say to her)
"Mommy I am still here."
"Mommy we are going to be alright."
"Mommy, Daddy is still in our hearts."
With that being said Addi did have the cutest (and heart wrenching) conversation after school on Monday, with herself and Daddy. She missed a birthday party on Saturday with the family in town, but Anna was sweet enough to give her a party favor, a small Christmas tree to decorate. Addi climbing into the car, this is our conversation
"Mommy, I can't wait to show Daddy how lucky I am."
I was thinking, oh no, again we are going to have to have the conversation that Daddy is in heaven. "Addi, how are you going to show Daddy your tree."
"Mommy, (with a little exasperation) Daddy is in my heart." Then she proceeded to lean the tree to her heart. "Daddy, Look how lucky I am."
Addi speaking for Bo, "Oh Sweetie, you are so lucky."
"Daddy, don't I have the best friends."
"Sweetie you are so special and I love you more than everyone, with Mommy."
I am trying not to let her see me cry, but I am just grateful this is how she remembers her Daddy talking to her and always calling her Sweetie.
Love to All
Christi and Addi
Praying for more rest and a day filled with love and happiness tomorrow.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Just a quick (and late) thank you so whomever helped put Bo's name on the football during the Appalachian vs Montana game. What an incredible tribute. We did see it and loved it, he would be so honored and proud. We just wish the game would have turned out differently...
Love to All
Christi and Addi

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Hello - It is crazy and surreal to think that a week has already passed. I am not sure what the word would be to describe this week. So much sadness with Bo's passing, so much gratitude for the kindness of stories and love showing Addi and I support and a little denial that my Bo is gone. I still find it hard to believe that he won't walk through the door, change my channel to sports center, or holler from the bed room for Addi and I to come in and watch Wow Wow Wubzy with him.
Of course my focus right now is Addi. She is doing alright. May statements of missing Daddy. And many questions of why Daddy isn't here. One conversation we had,
"Mommy, why did Daddy die"
"Daddy, had cancer and it made him real sick to where his heart stopped working."
"Why, did God want Daddy in heaven?"
"God needed Daddy to be an angel with him. You know what I think Daddy would want us to do?"
"What Mommy?"
"I think Daddy would want us to be happy, and play and just love everyone."
"You know want else I think Daddy would want us to do?"
"What Addi?" (This could be a loaded question)
"I think Daddy would want us to make sure no one else gets cancer."

From your mouth Addi to God's ear.

Love to All
Christi and Addi

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Just a quick thank you for all the out pouring of love and support. What an amazing day cherishing the one I love, the one you love. Thank you to the friends that helped carry Bo, that helped throughout the cermoney and who spoke on his behalf. I couldn't ask for better men to help raise my daughter and keep the spirit of Bo alive. It will take all of us to raise her and live up to his spirit.
I do not think I can let go of this blog, yet. To many times we have had those rough days, and selfishly put the word out that the day was rough and you all came through with the words of encouragement. I might/know still need those days in the future. I promise not to bother too much, but many of you (even though we may have never met) feel like close friends.
Love to All
Christi and Addi
Hello to All - Thank you all so much for visiting us last night. I know I loved Bo more than anything, but the kind words said just reassured how wonderful he was. I cannot take credit for finding him, as many of you know we met on a job interview (he was interviewer and I interviewee) so he asked me out, but I did say yes. (Who really could say no to Bo)
Again Thank You
Love to All
Christi and Addi - The Wild One last night
Also for those of you that can attend today, please join us for Bo's BBQ right after the service. There will be no graveside service today.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Hello to All - Just a quick note to say Thank You for all your kind words, love and support. I am humbled by every one's generosity. Bo would not like all the fuss, but he would love the good times and talking with everyone. Somehow, someday I will repay all of you for helping Addi and I through this.
A long time ago Bo and I stopped trying to figure out why this happened and just tried to live our lives. Now that this day has come, I try to make sense of it. I have tried to understand, probably never will. I have decided that Bo was such an incredible person (I might be biased) and touched some many lives, that taking him from us is a challenge for us to live to his standards. If all of us that knew him can be half as nice, compassionate, generous, loyal, etc. then this world will turn on it axes. So during this holiday season I hope all will do one act of kindness to one in need. Pay it forward in Bo's honor. Do it for Bo. He would want nothing more and expect nothing less.
Thank You again for your words, it helps to carry through each day, each moment.
Love to All
Christi and Addi

Saturday, December 05, 2009

As you can imagine today has been felt with many highs and lows. My quiet house, pictures that bring smiles, stories that bring laughter and heart ache that brings tears. I knew I could never prepare for this day, so I never tried. It would always be a thousand times worse, it is. But, we will never give up (Go Heels, that will forever follow that phrase with a little murmur from me) Addi is stronger than I could ever imagine and I will follow her example.
Arrangements have been made:

Tuesday - December 8th 6:00 - 8:00 pm
Raymer Funeral Home
16901 Old Statesville Road
Huntersville, NC 28078

Wednesday - December 9th - 11:00 am
St. Marks Catholic Church
14740 Stumptown Road
Huntersville, NC 28078

Receiving Visitors at the Yacht Club following the Service
18501 Harbor Light Blvd
Cornelius, NC 28031

Love to All
Christi and Addi
It is with a heavy heart that I say, my love passed away this morning. May he rest, in peace.
Love to All

Friday, December 04, 2009

Just a short post, Bo is resting at home now surrounded by love.
I think for the first time I am at a loss for words.
We are not sure how much time we will have together in this next phase, selfishly I want another 3 1/2 years, but I do know better. I want no suffering, no pain. I want Bo to do this his way on his time. We will all ride this ride together, celebrate his life and journey.
I also want to thank everyone for his kind words. Not for just right now, but for me to share with Addi in the future. With your comments, letters mailed and pictures I hope to create a volume of books for her to have forever celebrating her Daddy. (I hope you get the hint, that if you have anything you would like to share about Bo, with Bo or pictures, I would love to have some) Everyone of you, people me have met and people we have not met, are special to us. We talked many times about this blog and how grateful we are to have it. Our toughest days were sustained many times because of words said on this website. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing our life with us and this journey.
Love to All
Christi, Bo and Addi
PS - I guess I did have enough to say after all - Always me

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Hello to All - You might guess from my delay that I do not want to type this post. I hope we can count on everyone to walk our new path with us, with love, respect and the dignity Bo deserves. Our wonderful friends and doctors came down to give us some analysis and help our decision process. With their input we have decided that Bo isn't able to continue any more treatments. At this time it might do more harm than good. So now we will start the next phase in our journey together. Bo will chose how to live his life to the fullest.
Tomorrow Bo will come home and we will have assistance in making him comfortable. I ask that you give us time to get him comfortable. I ask for time for us to adjust to our path of living life as Bo chooses. I know you all love him almost as much as I do, so we want you to come and celebrate our journey with us, but I am going to be selfish and cherish as much time as I can with him as well. I will post when we can have visitors, but please be aware that Bo cannot time your visit and he might be resting or only able to talk for 5 minutes.
I know the next question is time, how much time do we have...once again I have no answer to that. No magic crystal ball. We have now and that is more than some people will get. I think coming sooner rather than later is always best because we never know what the future will hold.
I want to thank everyone for their love and support. Our journey together is not done, I hope will never be done. I know Bo is as special to you as me.
Tonight we were watching the Jimmy V Classic and Dr. Crawford asked Bo if he remember what Jimmy V's famous saying was, Bo with his quick wit said, "Go Tarheels", hehehe, Actually is was "Never Give Up, Never Give Up," and that is what we will do.
Love to All
Christi, Bo and Addi
Hello I just wanted to let everyone know the time frame will not be until late tonight. Dr. Crawford and Susan and traveling after work to come here to be with us. I can only imagine how many times refresh gets hit when you are waiting for news. (You all taught me during transplant) So I am learning.
Bo has been resting most of the day. We are trying medicine to get fluids off him, we just started those and it will probably take 24 hours to know if they are working.
I will post when I can tonight, I am just trying to figure out how to juggle Addi and the late not Dr. visit. I have been trying to be home for most breakfast and dinner meals, so tonight might be an exception.
Love to All
Christi, Bo and Addi
Don't hit refresh until later :)

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

I apologize for just now posting, no computer and I have been spending as much time as possible with Bo and Addi. Today was a quiet day, we have a great doctor here that is more than willing to let Dr. Crawford call the shots. He is constantly in contact with them. With that being said Dr. Crawford and Susan are coming down tomorrow from Duke to put "eyes" on him and assess the situation from people that have seen him through his battle for 3 1/2 years. I also know that they probably understand that I cannot move through this process without differing to them some way. I value their input and help guidance from them will give us all confidence in decisions being made.
Bo has improved kidney function today, so our decision to keep hydrating him was a good one. He still has a long way to go to have normal function and everyday is a new day, but as we have learned before, stable is good. Bo has other complications as well right now, some minor and some not so minor that we will need to address also. One day at a time, one step at a time. As for now though the prayers for improved kidney function are working, now we also need to pray for reduction of fluid in his 3rd space. (Which, dumb downed for Christi means, swelling in his legs and abdomen) This is tricky because most meds they would use to relieve this are hard on your kidneys, so we wait and try to make Bo comfortable with pain meds until we can decide what to do.
Thank you all for your wonderful support and especially all the love to our entire family. I am extremely grateful to everyone and the kids helping to distract Addi so I can be here as much as possible. We can feel the love and support. I also know it is hard not to come and hug us all here, but thank you for respecting our need to handle Bo delicately right now with no visitors. He exhausts easy and if I know him, he would want everyone to come in and chat for a couple hours. Just know we tell him everyone is thinking about him and he knows he is loved, never doubt that.
I promise will do better keeping everyone informed, I just need to remember to keep a computer handy.
Love to All
Christi, Bo and Addi
PS - Sorry for all the typos, when my posts are long I have a hard time going back to correct my typing and grammar...